The more i think more i am convinced of futility of this life. Then why can't we live just in moment and enjoy it as we want. Why?

Desire keeps us burning. This burning is good as food for propelling. Desire act as fuel. When this fuel is real good it burns you more and moves you ahead at a greater speed.

This increased or enhanced speed takes you to your finishing line sooner but but but but you will burn more, wear and tear will be more and you will be also losing the sight of surroundings while making your journey.

You will achieve more but you will feel less of other things. You will get lots of praise but you won't be able to gauge its value. You will have lesser memories of surroundings of your journey but more remnants of that burning sensation. You will connect more with yourself than others cause you have felt yourself burning more than seeing and observing others.

Confidence vs innocence

Confidence, should be or not. Generally, people say that confidence is must for success. I agree. It is easy to find parents encouraging their children that be confident, friends putting hand on shoulder that be confident.

OK. Be confident is fine. But then question is why should i be confident?

Just cause my friends say so. NO

I haven't put in much effort but i think i am smarter than others. NO

I prepared. YES

I believe i can cause i understand what to be done and how to be done. YES

So line is not between confidence or over confidence. It depends on source of confidence.

Instead of confidence innocence i think is better way to approach anything.

SHITLIST

I liked this title in first look and thought that i can easily write something with this title. Then as usual, time i put my fingers on keyboard my mind stuck, not in thoughts but something come between my thoughts and words.

This gap sometimes seems just a crack still it remains a unconquered one. Sometimes when words come very slowly, like water flowing upwards on floor with wind, and faith make them fall down in a meaningful(for some people) sentence the feeling i get is amazing it feels like i can run and finally reach somewhere.

This again get me thinking and fear creeps in uninvited, what is hidden in the end, what if i falter in between. How that unseen entity is pulling me from my current ties, from my current possessions, from this, from this moment which is mine, this moment which i can't hold on, which if not lived will pass on without being used, which will be my loss.

Why to lose something which you can't have again for something which you might have?

P.S: This habit of falling in questions in the end.

disconnect

I remember my teacher in school used to say (not to me) sometimes that you are physically present here but your mind is not in the class. I couldn't used to understand that time what she means. I always thought that our mind is here only it is just that we are not able to understand sometimes.

Now, i can perfectly understand the meaning of those words cause no matter what i am doing and how hard i try, i just can't keep my mind wherever i am. Its not that i am always thinking about something or someone(most of times) but i am always thinking of something not connected with my present surroundings.

This is good or bad. I think it is bad cause i am not able to concentrate on my work. I want to read but i just can't concentrate and most of reading is kind of passive reading. I doubt if whatever i read really goes in my mind and even a fleck of it remains there.

Though some people say this is your creativity, your power to dream.

I don't know its good or bad, the fact is that this is happening. Sometimes when i know what distant thoughts i am having will or can become reality i enjoy them. Sometimes when i know that it may not get full fill it hurts me. I don't want to keep on living like this, i don't know the medicine also.

Only time, which certainly bring change with it, is my only hope.

Trickle Effect

Advocates of Capitalism argue that trickle effect will ultimately benefit whole society and end result is inclusiveness. As far as creation of an elite class and hierarchy in society is concerned it is natural to have distinctions according to ones capability and hard work.

Above argument looks good to me. This is why may be capitalism has beat socialism hands-down in today's world.

Still the question remains, whether this is the ground reality. As far as surveys goes there are millions of people living below poverty line, and millions of children are hungry leave talks about education and health facilities.

The problem in whole argument is that no where it has talked about speed, spread and volume of that trickle effect. Right now it doesn't seems like trickle effect, it more so looks like leakage due to unmanageable excess one part of society (so called elite) has.

If a whole generation of a family tree is rooted out waiting for trickle water there is problem of speed. If state can easily be divided into 10-15 groups of tier-I,tire-II cities there is a problem of spread. If even after having fruits of trickle effect continuously for considerable time people keep on flocking it there is a problem of volume.

Once upon a time there was a tortoise and a fish. They both were in love with each other. Then came a rabbit, like any another love story, and tried to woo the fish.

Rabbit then challenge tortoise for a race and winner was decided to be the lover of fish. As everyone must have listen about this race. Rabbit won it.

Rabbit was given the hand(or fin) of fish. But here the love started its magic. Rabbit take a plunge in sea to meet the fish, he couldn't swim and died.

Tortoise married the fish and lived happily ever after.

rub my tears

Water is filled in my eyes but all i want is to rub off your tears with my thumb, my palm. To hold your face, to put your hair backwards, to hold your clean face, with horizontal trail of rubbed tears. To look into your eyes for a infinite moment and hold you in my arms.

You think i care about you. No, i don't. I am just saving that water, my water that turn into tears on seeing your tears.

Mind VS Mind. Mine VS Her.

I don't know whether i love her cause i don't know what love is.

I know she is a gal with whom i can laugh without trying to laugh though i am not sure that i can make her laugh.

With her i can talk without searching for words though i had seldom seen her talking at length to me.

I can see her with my eyes closed or open though i doubt that my face still lingers somewhere in her mind.

what i see and what it is

In my mind i love you because in my mind i can instil thoughts in your mind, i can imbue feelings in your heart. I know what you are going to say. In my mind i can make you smile, i can make you laugh. In my mind you curl your eyes like a child, in my mind you let your hair stir. In my mind we both sit for long hours sometimes incessantly talking sometimes shrouded by a fulfilling silence but when we meet you seems a bit different, you captivate me and make me enjou that agonizing pain of surprise.

But out of my mind in a space where thoughts of both of us exists, there i don't know much. You must be having your dreams i have mine. I don't know if we both can walk our paths holding hands or would you like me to be with you on that journey.

However, as soon as i close my eyes everything unifies, all i can see is one dream, one path, one heart.

Lovestory

I first saw her looking straight in my eyes. I don't know what went through my mind but my eyes defied me, she was, or her eyes were able to hold my eyes. Still now after so much have been transpired between us i just can't forgot those eyes. Sometimes i really scared that those eyes will haunt me.

This was just the beginning i don't know whether she read some books, or she was master with hearts but i got hooked. May be, it was not her i was so void of love, i was under a free fall, so fragile i was that that pair of eyes was enough to hold me. Though i don't know whether that stop my fall or just given me some hope.

I had such interruptions in my fall before but the days that followed make this one special. Special for my deliverance or sealing my fate for my final crash. For how many days i don't know but it had never happened so lively for so many days before. Days keep on passing, i was walking the edge of weired and psycho, mad and insane, addiction and obsession. May be, this was not love, may be i just wanted to prove something, may i just wanted to achieve but whatever it was it kept me awake at night, it kept me hungry without appetite, it made me cry without tears, it made me shout without voice.

Then things moved i managed to talk to her not one but three times and still i remember perfectly, how my heart was beating third time also. She said we are friends, oh god , i would loved to be her friend, loved to be just her friend.

But all this is marred by some momentary spontaneous thought of my mind. At one point i think that she ain't that beautiful, my friends would say you could have got better. How can i forget the first time you tilt your head with your hairs just following your swing, your lips parted with tinted eyes to say 'hi'.

I am afraid that i won't be able to make it as real as i could feel it in my head.

bridge between hearts

I do love you,but you may not see it, may not feel it cause my love is so strongly binded to my, to my every body cell that it is not perceptible from surface. You will need to pierce my heart through your fierce eyes, you need to cut me open to see my love.


Only way i can show my love are words but my love has so many different layers, so many different colours that no set of words at any point of time is able to bind it in a beautiful, comprehensible bundle for you.


I know its not your fault to not realize, to not see, to not feel my love, i know you sincearly from your heart tried to read me. But somehow unintentionally I always managed to hide my love. This because my love changes its shades every moment and this changing shade make you doubt identity, reality and even existence of my love for you.You think I loved you for some moments though my love for you has spread over every smallest divisible moment of my life.


It has become such an internal part of my behaviour that after initial moments you may not recognize, you may not be able to differentiate and hence able to feel it.


O Lord! O God! i have faith in my love just give me a way to show it as i see it in my mind.

How you want it

What Eklavya did?

Eklavya had a goal to become greatest archer in the world. He wanted best Guru in the world but couldn't get so he made a idol of him and in his heart he start beliveing it as his Guru and start his journey towards his goal.

What if you don't get it?

You love someone but your love doesn't rebound. Why don't you follow Eklavya? It's all in your mind and if you really beleive in it you can feel all the neurons stimulating the way love does. Of course you will miss the tangible part of it.

The big thing you will miss is the reactions of other person that makes love special. Why do you love someone not all. Because the power that external person has to touch and tickle your deepest of core where you yourself can never reach is love.

What is it?

Love is not attaining anything it is about giving and surrendring yourself. It's about giving your control to someone else still walk in control with those invisible strings.

Did Eklavya look for same thing?

Eklavya also give his strings to his guru but he didn't pull them. So Eklvaya from his mind keep on finding which string Guru might have pulled and keep on walking.

Alternative approch

But why to take this path when you know that Love of every human being has same DNA structure, it is how you perceive it, give your strings to someone else who will be happy to pull them.

introvert or shyness

In Cambridge Advance Learners Dictionary some words are described as approving some as disapproving.

The word i want to talk about is 'Introvert'. Dictionary meaning of introvert is some one who is shy, quiet and unable to make friend easily.

Firstly, is being introvert is a virtue(approving) or something to be ashamed of(disapproving). A introvert person should consider this as short coming since he is already shy. So a real shy person would never be able to accept his short coming in public on his own.

Can a person saying i am an introvert be really a introvert. If a shy person is not shy of his shyness what else could he be shy of. So saying that i am introvert or shy is a paradoxical statement.

Either these self proclaimed introverts means that they sometimes do enjoy there time alone(which everybody does) or they do take some time to make friends(but that doesn't makes you an introvert at least you are making friends may be not easily) or they just use it as an excuse to hide there inability to understand and justify there own actions(believe me no one always knows what they are doing).

Stop trying to identifying and typecasting yourself. Dream again and again chase them again and again. Lose yourself again find yourself again.

Inclusiveness

Social Inclusiveness is talked about now days in PM speeches and newspapers. Social fragmentation is the undeniable truth of society. Instead of terming it as demon and trying to eliminate this we should try to coexist with it in a way that all fragments can coexist cordially together.

First we should assume that fragmentation will exist and they cannot be blended together cause basic laws of nature like entropy and big bang theory suggests that things naturally do tend to get away from each other.

Now instead of trying to mould all these pieces into each other, or try to reshape them to fit each other if we could just provide a interface for them to connect, communicate and co-exist peacefully.

Social inclusiveness is not about joining and fusing different groups together. It is about providing a framework in which all pieces can exist co-operating without hindering each others space.

is it so..

1.) Eliot wrote that nothing is lost upon a true poet; a poet must have the ability to absorb all parts of culture and experience, which means being able to think about Shakespeare while enjoying the beauty of a sunny day at a picnic with a loved one watching the animals nearby.

2.)This novel of the 1960s seems to indicate that sex is not the intensely sensuous, emotionally driven, passionate experience that it was to writers like DH Lawrence. Rather, it has lost much of its import and significance.

if i cud

your thread like thin nails, if i could nibble

if i could put my tongue between your fingers

if i could melt and pour myself in pores of your skin

i could feel your beautiful skin, skin which has hold those eyes

if i could dive and jump in your eyes and become a droplet there

i would never flow down your cheek as tear but will just hung in your eyes

if your lips i could part with my lips,

if my tongue could feel texture of your teeth like little bumps.

Love Cycle

If like food chain there had been a Love cycle it would have been so easy for million of millions(actually countless or aggregated human souls born on this earth), of souls and hearts to find peace and rest.

So like typical software guy i thought of making some guidelines, instructions, protocols to globalize the concept of love. To enable people to develop their love more easily with large geographic reach.

Following are the steps in Life cycle of Love(absurd and hypothetical it may look in real life):-

1) You see a girl you like her.

2) You go and say,'I Love You'.

3a.) She says.'Yes'. You hug her, you kiss her.

3b) She says, 'No'. You come back.

Now you see where are the talks involved, nowhere. Talks are unnecessary luggage in Love which we involve because may be we want to prolong are quest for Love, may be we don't respect, or realize the importance of something which we get easily, may be just to strengthen our love and give it long life we go through unnecessary steps. Something you have put you have put your effort and time to get naturally you don't want to lose it easily, so it increase your effort to keep it going and increase life of your love.

Don't complain of not being loved if you haven't completed Step 2 at least 10 times.

P.S: With this life cycle you may not have the prolonged love but you will have numerous spurts of love to keep you filled with it.

Women Reservation

Reservation is like extending hand from above to someone who is left behind. But does it guarantee that next time that person would be able to climb by himself. If he/she has ability and just lack self-confidence, or is just anxious, or curious what is there on top, he/she might succeed next time.

One more way to do this is to train him. You have to stay behind her, and goad her to top, push her to top. It will teach him and imbibe ability in her. Though still she may fail next time, if she will lack courage to take on opportunity by herself. This method will show best result if you could hide your push. If she didn't know that you have supported her like when you learn cycling you think someone is holding cycle from back but when you see after some distance you find you are on your own.

Point is to give him enough resources to build an ability to grab opportunities rather than giving opportunities on platter and then learning while doing it. Later scenario is also good but the catch is that those opportunities are given on expense of some deserving candidates.

already lost

Baba, i won't let this build up inside me,

janu i won't let this build up inside me,

i will not allow this to build up inside me,

i won't let this build this build up inside me.

Baba i will smile again and come to life again,

cause baba i know you love me and baba i will not let your love down.

Baba just give me hand and i hug you back,

baba i know my heart is lost, now i wont let my sense lost,

Baba come once, come again and please don't go,

i feel too weak without you baba,

sometimes i try my best,

still i fall like glass.

It seems i can't be repaired,

baba kill me before you get someone else.

Parliament reservation for women

Assuming that goal of reservation i.e to give equal representation or opportunities to women, is incontestable.

Reservation is a tool, a policy to answer these questions. This tool comes with some caveats, some warnings which should be addressed beforehand.

The problem is that we are ignoring these side-effects which may occur. We should work out the if-clause, what if the reservation doesn't get the desired result.

As in computer science we use try-catch block to deal with any exception which might occur, we should lay down rules for any exceptional or failure of reservation in achieving its goal.

Some problems reservation may create:

1.) It may create a coterie of elite women. Benefits may not propagate to common women.

2.) It may create imbalance in quality and competitiveness between men and women.

Crying lot of 49

1.) The problem of dealing with the past while believing in the present

2.)Thus, Pynchon shows us a way in which language itself, in the form of puns, can be used as a means of providing false clues related to the novel's central concerns.

3.)My biggest mistake was love. From this day I swear to stay off love: hetero, homo, bi, dog or cat, car, every kind there is. I will found a society of isolates, dedicated to this purpose, this sign, revealed by the same gasoline that almost destroyed me, will be its emblem.

4.) .., anarchist also believe in another world. Where revolutions break out spontaneous and leaderless, and the souls talent for consensus allows the masses to work together without effort, automatic as body itself.

5.)But is was a systematic withdrawal from the life of the republic, its machinery. Whatever was being denied to them out of hate, indifference to their power of vote, loopholes, simple ignorance, this withdrawal was their own, private, unpublicized one.Since they could not have withdrawn into a vacuum (could they) there had to exist the separate, silent, unsuspected world.

6.)He hardly breathed but tears come as if being pumped.

7.) The novel suggests that the human mind has an extraordinary ability to create situations that seem so real as to be indistinguishable from truly external events.

8.) It can be argued, then, that from a structural standpoint, each additional piece of information only expands the amount of unknown; in other words, the more we know, the more we know how much we do not know.

Paulocohelo

“That is why their deeds were never spoken of and that is why they left no stories. If only we could achieve the same thing now: to make goodness such an ordinary thing that there would be no need to praise those who practise it.”

From SuperFrekonomics:

1.)People respond to incentives. If you wanted to get more expansive, you might say this: People respond to incentives, although not necessarily in ways that are predictable or manifest. Therefore, one of the most powerful laws in the universe is the law of unintended consequences.

2.)These low expectations liberated us to write about any-and everything we found worthwhile.

3.)When the solution to a given problem doesn’t lay right before our eyes, it is easy to assume that no solution exists. But history has shown again and again that such assumptions are wrong.

4.)Gary Becker, the longtime University of Chicago economist who was awarded a Nobel Prize in 1992. In his acceptance lecture, he explained that the economic approach “does not assume that individuals are motivated solely by selfishness or gain. It is a method of analysis, not an assumption about particular motivations…. Behavior is driven by a much richer set of values and preferences.”

5.)But while there are exceptions to every rule, it’s also good to know the rule. In a complex world where people can be atypical in an infinite number of ways, there is great value in discovering the baseline. And knowing what happens on average is a good place to start. By so doing, we insulate ourselves from the tendency to build our thinking—our daily decisions, our laws, our governance—on exceptions and anomalies rather than on reality.

6.)Some people may argue that statistics can be made to say anything, to defend indefensible causes or tell pet lies. But the economic approach aims for the opposite: to address a given topic with neither fear nor favor, letting numbers speak the truth.

7.)They are not alone, of course. It seems to be part of the human condition to believe in our own predictive abilities—and, just as well, to quickly forget how bad our predictions turned out to be.

8.)Many of our findings may not be all that useful, or even conclusive. But that’s all right. We are trying to start a conversation, not have the last word. Which means you may find a few things in the following pages to quarrel with.
In fact, we’d be disappointed if you didn’t.

9.)While it is easy to observe actions—or, in the Kitty Genovese case, inaction—it is much harder to understand the intentions behind an action.

10.) Small creation like his could lead to a better understanding of the greatest creations known to humankind

11.) The test of all knowledge is experiment