‘Baby’
‘Yes Baby’
‘Baby when will you talk to your parents?’
Flashes of faces crossed Neel’s mind; his mother’s face, his
father’s face. He would have talked
today if he dared not think the moment of confrontation. Without putting any
more pressure on his faculties he casually replied.
‘I will talk anytime yaar. What’s the haste?’
With an effort reply came, ‘Yesterday, Mom asked me whether
there is any guy. If so I should tell her. Otherwise my parents would start looking
for suitable match’.
‘And what you said’
‘I said what the hurry is. I don’t want to marry now’
‘Yes. Exactly. So problem is solved’.
‘It does not end here. Within six months my father is
getting retired. Before retirement he wants to marry me.’
‘Still Six Months’
Rozy wouldn’t qualify as fair as Indian’s think of
Christians. She got a small broad stature wouldn’t qualify as Christian by any
standards. This shortness gives her gravity, strength of being close to her
roots. Her vocal chords were successful in pumping this strength in her voice.
‘It is just six months’
Beep. Line was dead.
Neel, a face casual and carefree and a smile having mix
colors of radiance and shyness, was pale. Though his dropped eyes were matching
to usually dropped shoulders. A search was going inside his mind. But all
excuses were evading today. At last as a tired marathon runner his head drops
to realize that now there is no escape. It was time for him to stand up and
confront the truth.
As the thoughts were becoming slow a voice took over.
‘Neel’, his mother called. ‘Beta, come for dinner’.
With firm conviction Neel walked down the stairs. On seeing
his parents on dinner table, their causal way of talking make Neel felt
alienated like a gap was there between the firmness in him and happiness
outside.
At last he broached. ‘Ma. There is a girl’. The silence
concealed the words. An eye contact among three of them revealed the situation.
With a softening smile Maa asked ,
‘What’s her name? Who is she? Tell us more about her’.
‘Rozy’
The momentarily softening smile looked out place and
replacing it with a triumph come blood. Blood always does not make cheeks red.
It can run in eyes and without words you can gaze and destroy.
‘She is Christian’, his father asked.
‘Yes paa…’
‘See Neel. She is a Christian and friend it’s fine. But
don’t let her be more than friend. You know that you are our only son. I will
never accept any Christian in this house.’ With finality in voice his father
finally finished dinner and went off.
It was lifelong habit
of his father to just force decision saintly. Or it was Neel’s pre-judged
notions that didn’t allow his disagreement to his father’s decision to surface.
Same thing was said by mother’s eyes, though in a little pleading way. However,
there was no need of emotional talks now, matter was decided, accepted and
settled by his father’s words.
2
Rozy, was out of her wits. Neel was not picking her phone.
All sought of devastated thoughts were coming to her mind. She dropped messages
also but no reply. At last she went to Neel’s house.
Walking heavily in whirlpool of hopes and fears, the first
person she saw outside house sitting in verandah was Neel’s father. She greeted
him politely.
‘You are Neel’s friend. Sit beta’
‘Neel has gone outside. He will be back in some time. What’s
your name beta’
‘Rozy. How much time he will take?’
The name ringed in his mind. After settling the matter so
easily with one decision, he was not able to chew that still something is
remaining. As it was in Neel’s father habit to cut to point and put things to
end. Thinking that he has set his son straight and now it is on him to correct
this girl also, he said.
‘Oh! So you are the girl.’
‘See beta. I told this clearly to Neel. And I will tell this
to you also. You are a Christian and no way in the world I am going to let my
son marry a Christian girl. Neel has been matured and practical enough to
understand. You too also face the reality and forget Neel.’
Rozy was dumbfounded. She was boiling inside but today like
someone has put her in chains, she couldn’t vent out. Like heart has sucked
life from everything her eyes, face and tongue. How can a stranger dictate her
life to her? May be it was straightness
and expectedness of attack that took her. She wanted to say a lot more but she
could only manage to utter.
‘Where is Neel?’
She got the answer by Neel’s father’s gaze which went over
her shoulder. Neel was standing with dead expression. Like someone has chained
his heart and thrown in deep sea and his face float above water visible to
others. Rozy, was able to sense his feelings, his burden. But was she was not
able to understand that why has he accepted it. The absence of action which
eyes of Rozy observed created the doubts on her intuition. As general
understanding this time also silence of Neel was taken as his consent.
On realizing, that Neel has made a choice, a free choice.
Rozy, left as tears left her eyes.
3
Habit is strong thing. Sometimes it can better your emotions
also. This is what happened with Neel. Though he was feeling spineless without
love of his life, his father’s words had always shown him a path to tread. No
one knows what was going inside Neel’s heart. Not even Neel because he never
tried to touch his heart’s depth, because he never realized importance of
listening to his own heart. Neel was happy or not, no one knows. He got married
and was successful in maintaining a sober appearance and was carrying on with
his daily life.
Rozy, was the one who got stuck because her only reality was
what her heart showed to her. She was
not ready to accept things without asking questions. More questions she asked
to herself more confused she became in words like reality, practicality, life,
love. More confused she became more useless she felt. More useless she thought
of herself more useless life seems to her. But such is a beauty of life if you
don’t make a move it will force a move on you.
John was a nice
charming guy. He was someone who is at ease with people at social gatherings.
Rozy met him at one such family function. At that time Rozy was trying to make
sense of her every thought, when everything happening in life was a question
for her. John’s careless way seemed so novel to Rozy at that time that she was
attracted. Like attraction to opposite.
The day when he came to her house with his mother, his
politeness spread sweetness in home. He asked her lot of questions what she
does, what she likes, what she had studied. All the questions of which he already
knew the answers he asked. Rozy, was getting irritated at this useless talks.
Sensing something John said.
‘What is wrong? Are you not happy with this marriage? Is
anything bothering you?’
And with straight face she said.
‘Yes. I loved someone else. And now I’ve to marry you. That
is the problem.’
‘So what is the
problem? I am not stopping you from loving others. You are always free to
decide whom to love and whom to marry.’
The popping of shoulders and innocence of question took some
weight away from Rozy’s heart. Like a new light which showed her that what she
was considering poison was actually water. May be she had locked herself so
much from everything else that now she felt surging life from this question.
And she said ‘Yes’ to marriage.
4
The dawn of everyday starts with hope and enthusiasm. Then
comes the time when things reflect in true light.
One day in evening when John, came at home, to Rozy.
‘Hey darling’
Rozy, turned and gave a strained smile. A smile which died
before it was born.
‘Hey. How was your day?’
Though Rozy’s, demeanor was not different today than usual.
Still it stung in John’s heart. All these days he thought that Rozy is in some
pain and with time she will come over it. He waited but now he was losing his
patience. After all he was also a human being. In return of his affection he
also craved for affection.
John came closer to Rozy and looking in her eyes bought
flowers in his hand forward near to her face.
‘This is for you my love’.
Softly and with affection Rozy took flowers.
‘Thank you my love. You are so sweet.’
Turning back again Rozy continued.
‘I’ve prepared your favorite Mushroom soup. Go and change.’
What John could have said? He couldn’t blame her. He knew
something was missing in their relationship. A passion, a fire, a feeling of
underneath bond was what John’s was searching for. But he can’t blame Rozy. He has himself to
blame. The blame was on hope that he had. A hope which said that human heart
has strength to drench out memories and fall in love again.
5
Time passed. Two years. John knew that her relationship with
Rozy was more systematic and defined than people working in office. He can
always predict the answer Rozy was going to give. He missed the unpredictability
of humans. In fact he started feeling void of human warmth.
The coldness he felt in her touch was now overpowering his
fire. Rozy’s behavior, on other hand, was in such consistence that it looks she
is in a kind of hidden ecstasy.
‘John. Dinner is ready’
‘John. Dinner is ready. Will you come?’
‘I am not eating.’
‘Why? What happened?’
‘Nothing happened. Nothing. That is the problem that nothing
is happening. For god’s sake leave me alone’.
And John thumped out of the room. Next morning when Rozy,
woke up she found dinner still on table untouched. On the table one paper not
was also there.
‘ Dear Rozy,
I am sorry. I was always pretending that everything is fine.
May be I thought that by ignoring the pain it will go. Whatever it is I don’t
exactly know now. I never felt that I am living with you. You were right you
love someone else that is the problem. I couldn’t understand this at that time.
I can’t blame you. I’ve put myself in this.
I don’t know what to do now. But something should be done. I
can’t be with you more and suffocate. I don’t know how you would feel. Whatever
it is I cannot escape the reality I am feeling in my heart now. I am leaving
forever.’
For Rozy it was like manifestation of unaccepted reality. Her
eyes become moist and moisture becomes tears. Was she happy that finally her
pain won? Does endurance of her pain shows her true love to Neel? Will she find
solace in fact that her feeling existed outside her heart also? She didn’t
know. But she was able to understand what John must be feeling right now.
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